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Here is a sketch I wrote for UK TV as a comical news desk item for a satirical TV programme:
The Queen (UK Queen Elizabeth) is in more trouble! .....
"Today the Queen was caught bathing in the nude on Blackpool
promenade, much to the disgust of passers by who were unable to believe
what they saw, and reported her disgraceful behaviour to the police.
Angry police arrived on the scene and dragged the Queen off the beach
as spectators jeered and shouted comments of disdain at the Queen who
was taken away in a police van.
Later in Blackpool Magistrates Court, the Queen told the court that
she was "Only trying to get a complete suntan this year"! Magistrates
decided that the Queen was definitely going senile in her old age as
sunbathing in March when it is snowing is just not normal talk or
behaviour, and so sentenced the Queen to and indefinite period of
incarceration in Winwick Psychiatric Hospital near Warrington in
Northern UK, for some shock treatment and padded cell dwelling. Her
dole (unemployment benefits) have been suspended until further notice
in order to pay off the £2million pounds they fined her for damages to
the eyesight of abused passers by and spectators on Blackpool promenade
and £1,000 court costs.
The queen was said to be "not amused" just like Queen Victoria always
was (miserable old stick), as the prison officers dragged the queen
with her plastic handbag made in Hong Kong, down the stairs of the
courts to the cells, to await transportation to Winwick Psychiatric
Hospital.
Magistrates said that this was a necessary penalty as it was just not
acceptable for the Queen to be setting a bad example to dole queue
dossers like her, everywhere.
And now for the weather news.....
Tonight it will thunder and lightening with heavy rain over the
Queens padded cell in Winwick Psychiatric Hospital and over Buckingham
Palace where the Queen's equally criminal and delinquent family still
reside but the rest of the country will have a mild peaceful night...
Tomorrow it will hailstone heavily and be arctic cold over the Queens
padded cell in Winwick Psychiatric Hospital and over Buckingham Palace
where the Queen's equally criminal and delinquent family still reside,
but the rest of the country will have hot and beautiful sunshine all
day.
Goodnight!"
Written By Kaz Stevens
Copyright Kaz Stevens 1977. |
