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Here is yet another item of satirical news I wrote for UK TV back in
1977.... about Prince Phillip (Mountbatten) the UK Queen's senile
husband...
Good evening here is the latest news....
Prince Phillip the Queen's senile dementia husband was today caught
up to more demented tricks, this time in Woolworths in London, (a cheap
tacky store on on most UK high streets which sells rubbish), this time
he was caught trying to plant a bomb in the Pick n' mix sweets counter.
The bomb thought to only contain enough explosive to blow the sweet
counter sales assistant's hat off, was detonated by bomb disposal
experts, whilst Prince Phillip was taken away from the Woolworths store
by angry police, and after a free ride in a police van (the usual gift
to all high street trouble makers) he appeared before The Old Bailey
Crown Court in London, where he told the court that he was only doing
this because he felt that the sweet counter sales assistant had fixed
the weighing scales so that he got less sweets for his money and he was
sick and tired of her giving him all of the sweets he didn't like and
few of those he did, which was not constitutional of a true pick n' mix!
The Old Bailey Judge sentenced Prince Phillip to 20 years in the
psychiatric cells of Wormwood Scrubs prison in London where he will
receive daily shock treatment designed to blow his senile brains out!
He was also fined £600,000 for his senile behaviour and £200 for
frightening the sweet counter sales assistant, and reprimanded for
setting a bad and senile example to pick n mix sweet addicts everywhere.
Prince Phillip will be allowed no more pick n mix sweets whilst he is serving time in prison.
And now for the weather news.....
Tonight a tornado will hit the prison cell in Wormwood Scrubs prison
where Prince Phillip is being detained, but the rest of the country
will have a mild peaceful night.
Tomorrow there will be a blizzard over the Wormwood Scrubs prison cell
in which Prince Phillip is being detained but the rest of the country
will have scorching hot sunshine and the highest temperatures!
And that is all the news for tonight, goodnight!
Written by Kaz Stevens
Copyright: Kaz Stevens 1977. |
