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Here is a zany comical news desk sketch I wrote in January
2008
This is one about The RT Hon Baroness Margaret Thatcher -
Former UK Prime Minister 2007...
And now for the news ....
Margaret Thatcher
whose sharp facial features look like
they were chiseled out of hardboard
and with aggressive looking false teeth
to boot, was today caught up to more
bad tricks, after her false teeth dropped
out of her mouth onto a British Rail
cup and saucer in a British Rail cafe,
whilst she was waiting for the train
to take her to Liverpool.
Margaret Thatcher
not wanting to look all gummy having
arrived in Liverpool for a conference
on ageing and senile delinquency, decided
to sneak in through the back door of
the Liverpool Dental Hospital where
she proceeded to stuff her handbag and
pockets with pairs of false teeth, until
she was caught by a professor of dentistry
that is. The alarm was called when she
tried to bribe Professor Greggor Gumhalt
into saying nothing about her petty
thieving activities, but Professor Gumhalt
was not going to be bribed by anyone
or anything, not even a promised by
Margaret Thatcher that she would put
a word in for him to get Knighted next
year.
Angry police
arrived at the scene and dragged Margaret
Thatcher out of the dental hospital
and into an awaiting police van.
Later in Liverpool
Magistrates Court Margaret Thatcher
told the court that she couldn't just
steal one pair of dentures as that pair
might not have fit, so she had to try
and steal 3 dozen pairs at least and
since her state pension wouldn't stretch
to paying to 'go private' for a pair
of dentures and she had a conference
to attend anyway so didn't have the
time to wait for a new pair to be made,
she had no choice but to relieve the
dental hospital of several dozen pairs,
and she didn't think they would miss
them anyway as they had loads in there"
quote.
Magistrates decided
that Margaret Thatcher was definitely
senile delinquent and sent her to Winwick
Psychiatric Hospital near Warrington
for some shock therapy and a period
of detention spanning 15 years, just
incase she couldn't get better in one
year! Magistrates also ordered that
Margaret Thatcher will be relieved of
any dentures during her period of incarceration
to teach her that stealing is not acceptable
behaviour, even for a senile geriatric
juvenile delinquent like her, and her
state pension has been suspended until
further notice for damages to the British
Rail cup and saucer, the eye sight of
those who saw her looking grotesquely
gummy and fines also imposed on her
of £2,000,000 for court costs.
Margaret Thatcher
was dragged out of the court minus any
teeth and taken to a suitably padded
cell at Winwick Psychiatric Hospital
where this afternoon, Margaret Thatcher
started her shock treatment. Doctors
said that they think it is unlikely
that they will ever be able to restore
Thatcher's sanity as she had none to
begin with.
And now for the weather news....
Tonight there will be snow blizzards over the cell in the
Winwick
Psychiatric Hospital in which Margaret Thatcher is being detained,
but the rest of the country will have a mild warm night.
Tomorrow there will be a torrential rain over the cell in the Winwick
Psychiatric Hospital in which Margaret Thatcher is being detained, but the rest
of the country will have fabulously warm sunshine and the highest of
summer temperatures!
That is all for tonight.
Goodnight! Written By Kaz Stevens
Copyright Kaz Stevens 2008. |
