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Here is a zany comical news desk sketch I wrote in January
2008
This is one about Prince Phillip Mountbatten
And now for the news ....
The Prince of Blunders hits Sky News !
The Prince's Gaffes
Updated:10:40, Friday March 01, 2002
Prince Philip's royal visits have been punctuated by gaffes and faux
pas which have shocked local dignitaries and had journalists rushing to
file copy.
The Duke: barbed words
He has also been known to make the odd comment about British minority groups.
Here is a selection of some of his most infamous quips:
"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian."
The Prince comments on a less-than-sophisticated fuse box spotted during a tour of a hi-tech electronics company.
"If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed."
Warning to British exchange students during a 1996 tour of Beijing.
"Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."
A 13-year-old boy's life-long ambitions are dashed.
"You look as if you're ready for the bed."
The Prince greets the Nigerian secretary-general of the Commonwealth,
who has dressed up in his ceremonial robes for the occasion.
"If it doesn't fart or eat, she isn't interested."
The Prince on Princess Anne.
It's a pleasure to be in a country that isn't ruled by its people."
The Prince meets the then Paraguayan dictator General Stroessner:
"Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf."
Advice to a group from the British Deaf Association who were standing near a band.
"You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly".
Comments to a Briton the Prince met in Hungary in 1993.
"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test."
The Duke questions a Scottish driving instructor.
"People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle."
The Prince angers residents in Lockerbie when on a visit to the town
in 1993, he offers his observations a man who lived in a road where 11
people had been killed by wreckage from the Pan Am jumbo jet.
"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."
On the the 1981 recession.
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Prince To Cate: Can You Fix My DVD?
Sky News web site:
Updated:09:34, Thursday January 31, 2008
Prince Philip, famous for his gaffes, has struck again after he failed
to recognise Cate Blanchett and asked her to fix his DVD player.
Blanchett met Prince at function
The Duke of Edinburgh reportedly met the Oscar-winning actress at a recent function and asked her what she did.
When the Australian said she worked in the film industry, Prince Philip apparently saw a chance to fix a domestic problem.
A palace courtier said: "Prince Philip began discussing his DVD, which he said was broken.
"He said 'There's a cord sticking out of the back of the machine. Might you tell me where it goes?'"
Blanchett is said to have politely pointed out that she was an actress and that her technical knowledge was limited.
The 38-year-old has twice been nominated for Oscars for playing one of the Royal Family's most famous members.
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My answer :
And now it is time for the news.....
Today Prince Phillip the Queen's senile and bumbling husband was
today caught up to more bad tricks in a Aldi Supermarket, notorious for
cheap and cheerful tacky goods for people with little money, where he
was spotted by a security guard trying to steal a DVD player, which he
was busy trying to stuff into the pocket of his "Fagan style" overcoat,
in which the lining and hem line had been specially fixed so that
anything placed in the deep inside pockets would not fall through the
gap between the hem line and the outer cover of the coat.
He was followed through the checkout where he bought a bag of sweets,
in a bid to con the staff into believing he was honest and not senile,
and where he made another of his gaffes heard by saying to the checkout
operator "I say, young lady why don't you get a proper sales job in a
reputable shop that isn't cheap and tacky like these sweets"?
Prince Phillip then attempted to leave the store with the stolen DVD
player in his Fagan style overcoat but was apprehended by the security
guard who marched him back into the store and made him sit in a staff
room to await the arrival of the police.
Angry police dragged Prince Phillip out of the Aldi supermarket after
confiscating his Fagan style overcoat and took him away in a police van.
Later in Blackpool magistrates court, a short distance from the Aldi
supermarket he was caught stealing in, he told magistrates that he was
'only stealing it because his old one had a wire sticking out of the
back of it and a lady called Cate whom he had met was unable to help
him fix it', he went on to cause a further stir by asking the
magistrates 'why are you people on the bench always so darned ugly with
silly names and nothing better to do that traumatize people like me and
my family"?
Magistrates where clearly not amused and sentenced Prince Phillip to 10
years in Winwick Psychiatric Hospital near Warrington UK for some
psychiatric treatment and also some shock treatment, his dole money has
also been suspended for an indefinite period to pay for damages and
inconvenience to Aldi and also the insulting remarks and gaffes he
uttered to those involved in the incident.
Prince Phillip was taken from the court to the cells before being
ferried on to Winwick Psychiatric Hospital where he made another
blunder, this time he said to the doctor admitting him "Are you here to
have your head fixed as well laddie"? The doctor was clearly not amused
and ordered that he be taken to the shock treatment ward for some
immediate shock treatment. Many believe it will only make him worse but
that is the risk associated with such therapies.
And now for the weather news.....
Tonight there will be thunder and lightening over the shock
treatment ward at Winwick Psychiatric Hospital near Warrington where
Prince Phillip is receiving shock treatment, but the rest of the
country will have a mild and peaceful night.
Tomorrow it will snow over the shock treatment ward at Winwick
Psychiatric Hospital near Warrington where Prince Phillip is receiving
shock treatment but the rest of the country will have the highest
temperatures and beautiful sunshine.
And that is all the news for tonight, goodnight!
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Footnote:
Is it any wonder Prince Charles loves Monty Python when his father
is so outspoken and into using his senility to skit people and get away
with his senile gaffes, perhaps he is trying to be more like Monty
Python than a Royal!? .... Joke! Without Prejudice and no offense meant! That is all for tonight.
Goodnight! Written By Kaz Stevens
Copyright Kaz Stevens 2008. |
